Things I’ve Learned About Cattle

Here are some things you might not know about cattle. I know I personally wasn’t aware of some of these finer points of cattle-raising. In fact, what I know about cattle would probably fit on the head of a pin. I’ve got a delightful guest post for you today from the Cattle Baroness, a fellow blogger whom I’ve only met online. I’ve enjoyed her blog posts so much that I asked her to write a guest post for us. This is what she sent me this morning. Be sure to check out her blog.  I think you’ll enjoy her sense of humor and fine writing style. The photo is courtesy of the Kentucky Cattlemen’s Association.

M.J. Deare kindly asked me to guest-write a blog for her. As a new blog-writer, I am very honored by the request, but wondered what I could offer you, her readers. After all, her blog is so well written and informative, and mine…well, it is the musing of a city-girl turned farmer…and a blond at that! (My apologies to other blonds, but you understand how the jokes go.) I write about daily happenings on the farm, do a little small-farm advocacy and share my hit-the-ground-running education on raising beef and breeding cattle. For the experienced cattle person, my naiveté may be amusing, if not just forehead-smacking. Still, I’m learning a lot. Here are some of the things I’ve learned about cattle:

• Cattle have two ends. One incoming and one outgoing. Don’t stand beside the outgoing end!

• The term cow refers only to the female, which may be milked at some point in time. Trying to milk the others is fool-hardy and never recommended. (No demonstration was necessary on this one.)

• Cattle have nearly a 360 degree view of their world. They can kick 180 degrees of that—with each back leg. Cows, okay, cattle are like chubby little Chuck Norrises without the “hiya-ha!”

• “Cow Patties” do not look nor smell like a top-of-the-stove cookie and probably last much longer around children.

• On our farm, we play Cow Patty Bingo in boots, and think it unlucky if the cow plops in your square or anywhere close by. But what a great BBQ game for my city-dwelling family!

• Our cattle are brilliant. They poop where they eat, they poop where they sleep, but they won’t poop near their water. They must have heard about the EPA.

• Cattle will try to eat almost anything in their feed pen…even silver bracelets. Don’t wear jewelry in the feed shed unless you want to play a different sort of Cow Patty Bingo.

• A bull band is not a musical group.

Although this list is somewhat abbreviated, I am learning new things daily. I mean, it’s only been a couple of months since we bought our first calves and I started jokingly calling myself a cattle baroness. There are still things I want to know (but am afraid to ask):

• Exactly how does one go about getting the necessary fluid to inseminate a cow? Are there plastic blow-up cows? On second thought… I don’t think I really want to know.

• All cattle seem to do is eat, drink, and sleep (at the front end, anyway)…do they get bored, need diversions or exercise? Should I buy them a beach ball or something?

• Do cattle get sunburned?

• What is the proper attire for a cattle auction? Do we need stadium seats? A picnic lunch? A cooler with beverages of our choice? Do the cattle need a bath beforehand?

• Can you make paper out of cow manure?

See, I’m still learning. Good thing for us that people on the web, like M.J., give us the information we need about our world. Otherwise, I’d be even more lost than I am—but  probably not any blonder.


About M.J.Deare

I am a writer, actively researching topics of interest. I am also a graduate of the University of Arkansas in Fayetteville, with a degree in English, and have a master's degree from the University of Memphis. Born in New Orleans, I lived there until moving to northwest Arkansas and from there to Memphis, Tennessee. My husband and I currently reside in The Woodlands, Texas.
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3 Responses to Things I’ve Learned About Cattle

  1. Tiffany says:

    Great blog! I enjoyed reading it. Made me laugh. Good luck with the little Chuch Norrises!

  2. Pingback: See Spot. | cattlebaroness

  3. Thank you, Tiffany. I appreciate the compliment…and thank you M.J. It was fun and you are invited to guest blog on my site any time!

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